Sox to be ME

Famous Red Sox Pizza Incident Video

The above video is one of my all-time favorites. It is over a year old, but hearing Orsillo cracking up over the pizza is still hilarious. Which is why I thought I'd share a story of my own....
So I'm at the Framingham movie theater, just sitting down with two of my pals who I will nickname Heinz and Stringbean. It was a lovely Saturday afternoon, and we had gone to see the over-hyped Inception, which was not as much of a mind-fucking movie as the media made it out to be. After being seated in the middle of the theater for about five minutes, right before the movie was about to begin, something smashed against my face and I felt a warm sensation all over me. Feel free to insert jokes here about semen, but it was actually liquid cheese. All over my face and clothes, all over Heinz's clothes, and the rest in Stringbean's hair and clothes. Disgusting.
Now for those of you who know me, you probably think this was a provoked attack. It was not. I said or did nothing but sit and watch the previews. What was my response? I stood up and screamed "Who the fuck threw that?" An audience of horrified spectators sat silently. I looked to the direction that the infamous cheese came from, and saw 10-12 early teenage boys sitting in the corner, looking like they'd seen a ghost. Obviously, they were terrified of what was in store. They knew I knew.
I approached them all and demanded to know who threw it. I wanted revenge. An old lady behind me stood up and in a weird foreign accent, exclaimed "I am getting zee poleese!" I said no no, I want to figure out which little fucker it is and take care of it myself. But with no response, I lost my cool and threw my giant bag of popcorn at the little buggers. After storming out of the theater and throwing the trash barrel in the direction of the scared little boys, I saw the security guards already running in the direction of the theater. Seeing myself as well as Heinz and Stringbean covered in cheese, they asked who it was and proceeded to escort all of the young criminals out of the theater. The theater audience clapped and cheered as the violators were herded towards their doom. They stood in a circle around the security in the hall, heads hung low. When none would answer who threw the cheese, they were all promptly thrown out, including the poor mother of the boy who's birthday it was. She was quite embarrassed and apologetic, but I cared not. I was cheesed. After the three of us cleaned as much yellow gunk off us as we could, we received many free passes for tickets, soda, and popcorn for the future, and went back in to see we only had missed five minutes of the movie. In the end, I won. But I'll never forget the time I got hit in the face with a miniature bucket of cheese.