The Idiot's Guide to Fixing the Red Sox

I'm going to stand by my opinion that Theo is a mediocre GM. What semi-knowledgable Sox fan didn't see this type of season coming? One game over .500, getting swept by fellow cellar-dweller Baltimore, injury plagued...the list goes on. That's not even mentioning the unexpected: a 4.90 team ERA, a mediocre .984 team fielding percentage, winning games thanks to the heroics of Darnell McDonald (who?). Sure, they are hitting well as a team, second in baseball in jacks and hitting a solid .271 as a team. But former-slugger Ortiz is batting .200 and whiffs enough to power the Cape Wind project. Mike Cameron is proving his age, thankfully we have him for two years (sarcasm). Victor Martinez looks like Varitek circa last year. And Beltre's stellar defense has been anything but. Pitching and defense is the key this year? Good plan Theo, or maybe that was just your excuse when you weren't able to land a slugger or two over the winter. A quick fix won't work this time, and it is doubtful that Scutaro turns into Hanley Ramirez or Jacoby grasps the concept of LEADOFF hitter. So when I go sit in my $32 last-row bleacher seat and drink my $7.75 Bud Light, don't claim that the cash is running short. Cut the losses, pay for talent, and at least make the damn playoffs. Here are my solutions for this squad (in order of necessity):

1. Jettison Ortiz

• So he's owed $10 million more this season, but isn't it the Red Sox way to pay players to play for other teams? He is a shell of his former self, and his heroics are now three years removed. Ortiz has no position on the field, is slower then Barbaro on two legs, and has an OPS .100 points lower than San Diego pitcher Matt Latos. I understand the sentiment, as well as the "lack of opportunity." But he can't hit lefties, can't hit away from Fenway, and he is simply wasting valuable at-bats. Any combination of Lowell/Tek/Martinez/Hermida is the DH spot would be more beneficial. So stop wasting the roster spot on someone who is nothing without steroids.

2. Jermaine Dye

• The guy can still hit. He doesn't have a team. He played 141 games last year, hit 27 home runs, and can still play the field. I'd rather have someone with his power potential playing the field or coming off the bench than Jonathan Van Every or Darnell McDonald, and the lefty/righty combo of Hermida and Dye off the bench would make a fine formula for depth. He can definitely be had for cheap as he has been unemployed for the first two months of the season to this point.

3. Trim the Fat

• Goodbye Scot Schoeneweis. Goodbye Manny Delcarmen. Scot can be released, trade Manny for a bag of peanuts. Enough is enough in waiting around for Delcarmen to be consistent, it is never going to happen. Trade him to the Pirates for a minor leaguer and call it a wash. Then call up Josh Reddick to be a permanent bench player for the rest of the year, and keep Bowden in the pen as well. The Red Sox are not on pace to even make the playoffs at this rate, so at least give the young guys more playing experience either to bolster their future worth or to make this team more exciting. God knows after this weekends Detroit series that it is getting harder and harder to watch an entire Sox game at this point....
  

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This post doesn't really apply to anyone except the ten involved, but because this is quicker then emailing this out to everyone, I thought I would put it up just for show. So enjoy, fo sho.